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Contents

1. Planning for Contact between the Child and Birth Relatives/significant others where Adoption is being Considered as the Plan for the Child
2. Preparation of Adoption Applicants Regarding Contact
3. Preparation of Arrangements for Contact when Considering a Proposed Placement
4. Planning and Implementing Contact Arrangements when the Child is Placed for Adoption Prior to the making of an Adoption Order
5. One-off Meeting between adoptive parents and birth parents/relatives
6. Indirect Contact (Letterbox Contact)
7. Local Practice Guidance - Principles to Consider when Setting up a Letterbox Contact Arrangement
8. Local Practice Guidance - 'One-off' Meeting between Adoptive Parents and Birth Parents/relatives

1. Planning for Contact between the Child and Birth Relatives/significant others where Adoption is being Considered as the Plan for the Child

1.1 Prior to obtaining Authority to Place for Adoption

Contact must be considered at each stage of the process from the point at which adoption becomes the plan for child.  At each stage of planning, it may be helpful for workers to consult or involve an adoption worker whose advice will be based on a long-term view of the implications of contact, whether direct or indirect through the Letterbox annual exchange of information. Once there has been a decision to proceed with a plan for adoption of the child, the agency is, so far as is reasonably practicable, to ascertain the feelings and wishes of the child regarding contact with a parent or guardian or any other relative or with any other person the agency considers relevant. The persons with whom contact may be arranged include
	a birth parent/relative, a birth sibling or other relative who is in another adoptive home, the former foster carers, friends made whilst the child was in the foster home, or any other adult/child with whom the child previously lived or had a significant relationship.
Once there has been a decision to proceed with a plan for adoption of the child, the agency is, so far as is reasonably practicable, to ascertain the feelings and wishes of the parent or guardian or any other relative or with any other person the agency considers relevant about contact with the child if the agency is subsequently authorised to place the child for adoption or is adopted.  Birth parents must be informed that they have a right of access to an independent social worker who can offer advice and support, including that relating to contact issues. The worker may be from another agency or from a team of workers which is not the team responsible for the child's case. In Bradford, independent counselling is usually offered by After Adoption Yorkshire. See Planning for Adoptive Placement Procedure, Section 5. 'Counselling and Support to Parents'. Discussion with the parents will include
	How contact with the child will change if the agency obtains authorisation to place the child for adoption (i.e. the obligation of the 1989 Children Act to promote contact will be replaced by arrangements which are considered to be in the best interests of the child.  There is no presumption of contact.) The right of the parent or guardian and others to apply for a Contact Order under section 26(2) and (3) of the Act; An outline and information of the possible forms of contact; between the obtaining of authorisation to place for adoption (once Placement Order has been granted)and the placement of the child for adoption, until the making of the Adoption Order, after the making of an Adoption Order.
The Child's Permanence Report must include a summary of the above discussions, stating wishes and feelings of the child and parent, or guardians or others. It must also set out the agency's views about the child's need for contact and the arrangements the agency proposes to make for allowing any person contact with the child. Where Panel makes a recommendation that the child should be placed for adoption, it is required to consider, and may give advice to the agency about the proposed contact arrangements.

1.2  Planning and managing contact when there is authorisation to place for Adoption

On the making of a Placement Order, Children Act contact orders cease to have effect but a S26 Order may be made along with the Order or subsequently during the adoption placement.  The court has a duty when considering making a Placement Order to consider what contact orders, if any, are in the interests of the child, and can make S26 Orders on its own initiative.  In making a S26 Order, the court must have regard to section 1 of the Adoption and Children Act 2002 (the Welfare Checklist), the wishes and feelings of the parents, and any advice given by the Adoption Panel at the 'should be placed for adoption' recommendation. A S26 contact order application can be made without leave of the Court by the child, parent, guardian, any relative (as defined by S.144 of the ACA 2002), anyone previously holding a Residence Order, the agency, and any person previously having the benefit of a S8/S34 Contact Order which has ceased to have effect.  In addition, anyone else can apply for contact if given leave of the court.  This will include prospective adopters. The local authority will determine the level of contact in the light of the changed plan for the child and will have the purpose of maintaining a sense of identity rather than, as formerly, for the purpose of assessment or maintaining a relationship.  There will be no presumption of contact. The level of contact will take into account:
	the progress of identifying an adoptive family; the birth relative's ability to maintain a quality of contact that is in the interests of the child, whilst at the same time adjusting to the reality of the decision to place the child for adoption.
Plans for contact at this stage must be considered as part of the LAC Review process and legal advice should be sought as appropriate.

1.3 Planning for Contact between a child and birth relatives where a child is relinquished for adoption.

Once a birth parent has signed S19 consent to placement for adoption, Parental Responsibility is shared with the local authority and any contact will be by arrangement with the local authority, giving priority to the best interests of the child.  Once the child is placed with prospective adopters, they also share parental responsibility and will be consulted about their views on contact.   

The birth parent may apply to court for a S26 Contact Order at any time, and the court will decide which contact arrangements are in the interests of the child, taking into account the views of the adoptive parents with whom the child is placed.

2. Preparation of Adoption Applicants Regarding Contact

During preparation and assessment there will be a full exploration of the significance and implications of contact for a child with birth family members (and others of significance). 

Applicants will be expected to be willing to undertake the following forms of contact:

A 'one-off' meeting with birth parents, or other relatives of significance to the child (if social workers consider this appropriate and in the best interests of the child). The timing and preparation for this and the meeting itself can provide an appropriate opportunity to discuss the details and timing of an annual exchange of information through Letterbox , or any other contact An annual exchange of written information - See Section 6, Indirect Contact(Letterbox Contact) To inform the agency of any serious illness or the death of the child during their childhood or early adulthood, or of the disruption of the adoptive placement as the agency will consider whether or not to inform the birth parents /birth relatives. A willingness to be contacted by the agency to be given significant information which will include:

Health information relating to a birth relative e.g. genetically inherited illness The death of a close/significant relative The birth of a sibling if such information comes to our notice The plan for adoption of a sibling A request to supply information about their own adopted child's health and development for the purposes of planning for the adoption of a subsequent birth sibling.

3. Preparation of Arrangements for Contact when Considering a Proposed Placement

The child's and adopter's social workers (or family finder in the case of Inter-agency placements) will explain to prospective adopters the specific needs of the child in relation to contact, and they will be required to consider the implications and whether they feel able to undertake all aspects of this task.  Confirmation of these discussions and their conclusions will be set out in the Adoption Placement Report.  The Report must set out the agency's arrangements for allowing any person contact with the child:
	the form of contact, the arrangements for supporting contact and the name and details of the person responsible for facilitating the contact arrangements.  The prospective adopters have opportunity to submit to Panel comment on the plans and Panel may offer advice. An assessment should be made on how to deal with unauthorised or unmediated contact through online social networking sites.
The social worker for the prospective adopter (family finder in the case of inter-agency placements) is responsible for liaising with the adopters of any of the child's siblings/cousins in order to reach an agreement about the form of contact which will be in the interests of both/all parties.    The Adoption Placement Plan will confirm any arrangements for contact to which the prospective adopters have agreed.  (See of Placement for Adoption Procedure - Section 5, Planning the Placement). If there is a Section 26 Contact Order, the implications of this will be explained to the prospective adopters, and legal advice should be sought where necessary and will be written into the Adoption Placement Plan.

4. Planning and Implementing Contact Arrangements when the Child is Placed for Adoption Prior to the making of an Adoption Order

• Consideration must be given to the appropriate timing to implement any contact arrangements, taking into account the feelings of the birth relatives around the time of placement for adoption and those of the prospective adopters whilst they are adjusting to their new role as adoptive parents. 
• Once the child is placed, the child's and family's social workers, plus Adoption Support worker where appropriate, must work alongside the adopters to establish and support any proposed contact taking into account the following points.
• The Adoption Reviews (Reviews prior the making of an Adoption Order) will monitor the development of any agreed plans for contact. See Adoption Reviews Procedure.
• The child's social worker and Independent Reviewing Officer will consider how to notify the birth parents of the child's progress and recommendations relating to any contact arrangements. Involving the adoptive parents in thinking of how to share this information will assist later when they take part in Letterbox contact (see Section 7, Local Practice Guidance -Principles to Consider when Setting up a Letterbox Contact Arrangement) 
• If an application for Section 26 Order is made by a birth parent/relative/significant other following a placement having been agreed by the Agency or the child has already been placed, the prospective adopters will be made party to the proceedings and are likely to need legal representation. See Placement for Adoption Procedure - Section 6, The Placement.
• At the time of consideration of an application for an Adoption Order, a Section 8 Contact Order may be applied for by a birth relative or significant other.  In this situation, the prospective adopters are likely to need legal representation.  See Placement for Adoption Procedure - Section 6, The Placement.
• Any proposal for direct contact after an adoption order is made, which may require support of the agency, will need to be discussed and agreed by the Adoption Support Manager prior to any agreement being given to any party whether under a voluntary arrangement or during any proceedings for a Section 8 order. See Section 11 of the Adoption Support Procedure.

5. One off Meeting between Adoptive Parents and Birth Parents/Relatives

See Section 8, Local Practice Guidance - 'One-off' Meeting between Adoptive Parents and Birth Parents/relatives

• The appropriateness of holding a 'one-off' meeting between the birth parents (or other relatives/significant others) and adopters must be considered from the early stages of planning for the child's adoption. 
• The advisability of holding such a meeting will be one of the matters to be taken into account when the prospective adopter's and child's social workers visit a potential family and any agreement will be written into the Adoption Placement Report.  Adoption Panel, when considering a proposed placement, may give advice on any proposed plans for contact.  See Placement for Adoption Procedure
• The timing of a meeting between the adopters and birth relatives will be considered at the meeting to complete the Adoption Placement Plan and at subsequent Adoption Reviews.  Such a meeting may take place any time from the Introductions period to the making of the Adoption Order, or later if appropriate.
• Both parties to the meeting will need full and considered preparation by their workers and support during and after the meeting.  Birth relatives may also benefit from preparation and support by any independent counsellor with whom they have established a relationship.  This may be offered by After Adoption Yorkshire.

6. Indirect Contact (Letterbox Contact)

This section should be read in conjunction with Section 7, Local Practice Guidance - Principles to Consider when Setting up a Letterbox Contact Arrangement

Indirect contact most often takes the form of annual Letterbox Contact, a written communication between the various parties to the adoption which is set up by the workers involved and then administered by the Admin. Officer (Adoption Support).

6.1 Process for setting up Letterbox Contact

• Following detailed discussion with the respective parties as to their wishes in respect of Letterbox contact, the child's social worker and adopter's social worker (family finder in the case of interagency placements) will arrange for completion of the forms: 'Agreement Form - Adopter' and 'Agreement Form - Birth Relative/Other'.  Wherever possible, the workers should see the parties in order to ensure they understand the nature and process of the arrangement, and their signatures to the agreement obtained.
• The form 'Arrangement for Letterbox' will be completed by the adoptive family's social worker or family finder in the case of Consortium and Inter-agency placements. 
• These three forms will be given to the Admin. Officer (Adoption Support) who will record this arrangement on the Adoption Support Database (Letterbox) and make up a paper file for retaining documents including original copies that birth parents /relatives /adoptive parents have sent but have not been able to be forwarded to the appropriate recipient not responding to the agreed arraignment.
• A 'welcome to the Letterbox Service' letter will be sent by the Admin. Officer, Adoption Support, to each party. The letter will set out  details of the arrangements to which the participants have agreed, explain the annual process, offer assistance with the first letter and inform that support is available at any time  
• A copy of the agreement will be placed on the electronic Adoption Case record for the child and the adopter. See Adoption Case Record Procedure (to follow)

6.2 Process for maintaining Letterbox Contact

• The Adoption Support team is responsible for managing and maintaining the Letterbox system.
• If the process of dealing with a Letterbox enquiry has resulted in an Adoption Support referral, a brief reference to this should be placed on the Letterbox file noting that full information may be found on the Adoption Support file.
• Details of the administrative tasks involved in maintaining Letterbox contact are held by the Admin. Manager and Admin. Officer, Adoption Support.
• Adoptive parents and birth parents and relatives are encouraged to seek support in relation to any aspect of Letterbox contact from the Adoption Support service or After Adoption Yorkshire.  Referral to After Adoption Yorkshire may be made independently or via the Adoption Support Service.

7. Local Practice Guidance - Principles to Consider when Setting up a Letterbox Contact Arrangement 

Introduction

The setting up of a news exchange, such as that provided by the Letterbox Contact system, is a way of helping children whose lives have been disrupted to maintain a coherent sense of themselves and to develop an integrated sense of identity, so important to long term emotional health.

It is important that agreed indirect contact arrangements between birth and adoptive families are competently, consistently and efficiently managed. It is vital that letters do not go astray and are treated with appropriate attention to confidentiality by staff working within the adoption setting.

Rationale for the Scheme

The existence of the Letterbox scheme is a reminder that adoption is not a one off event but a lifelong process. Adjustments may be required as the needs of the children involved evolve and change.  Where adjustments are required, any participant may request a review of the arrangements.

Ongoing contact may:

• Enable a child to develop a realistic understanding of the circumstances of separation.
• Maintain a flow of communication, which could facilitate future contact.
• Keep the communication channels open should there be a need for direct information, e.g. the death of a relative, or new medical information.
• Enable a child to be reassured about the well being of family members and friends and for the birth relatives to receive such assurance.
• Assist a child in constructing a sense of identity.
• Enable a sense of reality to replace fantasies.
• Help valuable relationships to be maintained.
• Help a birth relative in grieving.
• Help a child to move on and develop new attachments with parental blessing.
• The exchange of letters indicates acceptance of the birth family by the adopters, which is very important to the child.
• It also indicates that the child is loved and valued by the birth family.

Principles

• An outline of the child's needs in relation to contact with birth relatives and significant others should be an element of any Care Plan which is recommending that adoption is in the child's best interests. These contact proposals will be included in the Child's Permanence Report and the Adoption Panel must consider and give advice about contact arrangements which the agency proposes to make. At the proposed placement stage, when Panel makes a recommendation as to whether a child should be placed for adoption with a particular adopter, Panel must consider and may give advice about proposed contact with any person. 
• Any discussion concerning the type (direct/indirect, frequency etc.) of contact will be based on an assessment of the quality of the relationship between the child and the person with whom it is proposed there will be contact.
• When a Placement Order is made or at any time up to the making of an Adoption Order a Court may have made a Section 26 Contact Order in relation to any contact, direct or indirect. This cannot be altered without the agreement of all parties involved or referring the matter back to court. 
• A Letterbox arrangement may be set up between the adoptive parents on behalf of the child and a birth parent or guardian or any other relative or with any other person the agency considers relevant. For the purposes of this procedure, the latter group (birth parent or guardian or any other relative or with any other person the agency considers relevant) will be referred to as 'birth relative'.
• There is an expectation that unless there are very good reasons to the contrary, the majority of Letterbox arrangements will be two way. Reasons why this is not the case should be documented on the child's Adoption Case Record so that this information will be available to the adoptive person if requested.
• When planning contact for a child for whom adoption is the plan, the importance of developing or maintaining contact with birth full or half siblings must be an essential element. The type of contact will need to take into account the circumstances of the siblings, such as whether they live with birth relatives, in foster care or in another adoptive placement. Careful consideration should therefore be given to the implications for each of the parties involved. For example, there will be a range of issues such as confidentiality if an adoptive child were to have contact with a sibling in foster care who sees a birth relative. If a decision is taken not to arrange contact between siblings, reasons should be carefully documented on the Adoption Case Record so that the adopted person has access to this information.
• The proposed contact arrangements and the prospective adopters' agreement to them   will be detailed in the Adoption Placement Report and the Adoption Placement Plan.  Written information about the principles and working of the Letterbox Service will be shared with the prospective adopters at the appropriate time and the date noted on the child's Adoption Case Record. The leaflet 'LETTERBOX: GUIDANCE FOR ADOPTERS AND BIRTH RELATIVES' is available for this purpose.
• Once birth parents are informed that social workers are recommending adoption as the plan for the child, they should also be given information about the types of contact that might be available to the child. They should then be involved in any further discussions about their wishes and understanding of a Letterbox arrangement. Written information about the principles and working of the Letterbox Service should be shared with the birth relatives at the appropriate time and the date noted on the child's Adoption Case Record. The leaflet 'LETTERBOX: GUIDANCE FOR ADOPTERS AND BIRTH RELATIVES' is available for this purpose.
• It is essential to recognise that a birth parent's willingness and ability to take part in such an arrangement will be determined by their process of coming to terms with the loss of the child and subsequent adjustment to the part they will play in the child's life. An assessment of their support needs in undertaking a Letterbox arrangement, for example, in writing a letter, will be required and will be outlined in the Adoption Placement Report.   At each stage, they should be reminded of their right to access independent support which, in Bradford, is usually offered by After Adoption Yorkshire.
• At any time in considering, setting up and implementing a Letterbox arrangement, the advice of an Adoption Support worker may be sought.
• If a birth relative and prospective adopters are able to have a one-off face-to-face meeting, this is a valuable opportunity for the two parties to discuss arrangements for Letterbox contact. For example, each party can hear from the other what information they would like to receive. There is often a greater commitment to the arrangement and the task made easier when each party, having discussed the plan face-to-face, is able to visualise the other as a real person.
• A responsive exchange of letters allows each party the opportunity to respond to the latest information sent by the writer. For example, the adoptive parent may send news to the birth relative, and one, two or several months later the birth relative can reply, sending their own news and responding to the information the adopter has sent. 
• The timing of the exchange will require particular thought. For example there may be a time of the year which is particularly sensitive for one of the parties.
• For the majority of arrangements, the Adoption Unit will not be involved in screening the letters as the adoptive parents have the responsibility of determining how to share information in a way which meets the best interest of the child. All adopters must be made aware of this and must ensure they screen a letter for inappropriate content before sharing it with the child. If, however, adopters are aware that information might be sent that will not be in the interests of the child and would preclude them from sharing the letter with the child, they may request that an adoption support worker opens and screens the letter. The worker will record the date and reasons for the request for screening, the agency response and actions each time something is edited or removed. Material that has not been sent on will be kept on the file for the adopted person to access as an adult. 
• Adoptive parents, or the social worker if requested to 'screen' the letter, must ensure that the birth relative has not included in the letter their address or other means of enabling the child/young person to make contact with them.
• Where a party receives information which they find difficult to receive or share with the child, they may wish to discuss this with an adoption support worker. The worker may either offer advice in how to deal with this information or offer to contact the sender of the letter with a view to sharing the recipient's concern. Where appropriate, any of the parties may be referred for counselling to an independent agency.
• If there is a further sibling born to either of the birth parents and Letterbox contact is requested, it is the responsibility of that sibling's social worker to contact the Admin. Officer (Adoption Support) to ascertain the current arrangements and request any amendments/additions.
• All correspondence in connection with Letterbox arrangements is dealt with through a Post-box service so that the Unit is not identified. The address (P.O. Box 105, Bradford, BD1 5XA) is stamped on the back of any correspondence sent by the Unit.
• The Letterbox arrangement for the child will end at the age of 18. (See below for exceptions).  As part of the Exchange nearest to the child's 16th birthday, a letter will be sent to the adoptive family to remind them that our responsibility to facilitate it will end when the child reaches 18 and that contact with the birth family then becomes the responsibility of the young person. A second letter outlining the above will be sent nearest to the child's 17th birthday. The letter will explain that if the adoptee wishes to make an absolute or qualified Veto, this will be recorded on the Adoption Case Record. The letter will enclose a leaflet for the adoptee giving all this information.
• Letters outlining the same principle will be sent to the other parties involved in the exchange. These will be sent at the time of the exchanges nearest to the child's 16th and 17th birthdays.  The letters will explain that if the birth relative who is a party to the exchange wishes to make an Expression of Wish, this will be recorded on the child's Adoption Case Record.
• If the Letterbox arrangement involves an exchange on behalf of more than one sibling in the adoptive family (e.g. between 3 siblings adopted together and their birth mother), it will continue until the youngest reaches 18. However, the older ones have the right to discontinue their involvement if they wish.
• If the Letterbox arrangement involves an exchange between siblings in different adoptive homes, we will continue to facilitate the arrangement until the youngest child involved in the exchange reaches 18, even if that young person is not the party on whose behalf Bradford set up the arrangement.
• If the Letterbox arrangement involves an exchange between an adopted child and a younger sibling who is not adopted (e.g. may be in foster care, or cared for by parent(s) or relatives), the arrangement will end when the adopted child reaches 18.  It will be that young person's responsibility to organise contact. However, an Adoption Support worker or Independent Agency, such as After Adoption Yorkshire may be able to advise and assist in the negotiations.

8. Local Practice Guidance - 'One-off' Meeting between Adoptive Parents and Birth Parents/relatives

It is commonly accepted practice that a meeting may take place between adoptive parents and their child's birth parents or another birth relative, such as a grandparent, aunt or older sibling.  They may take place in situations where the child has been voluntarily relinquished for adoption, or where there has been legal action to remove a child.  Although the element of a legal contest may add extra stress to such a meeting, experience indicates that there is enough common ground to make such meetings productive.

i.	Purpose: Adoptive parents and birth parents can meet to share a common concern for the child. Offering the birth parents an opportunity to meet the people who will be bringing up their child, and to share information about the child, is a mark of respect of their feelings and status.  It indicates that, even though they may be seen to have 'failed' their child, they still have a positive contribution to make to the child's welfare and progress. Having the opportunity to ask the birth parents (or other birth relatives) for information about the child represents another, and first hand, way in which adoptive parents can add to the information they have already been given. It can be of immeasurable value to the child as s/he grows up to know that the adoptive parents have met the birth parents and can talk of them with direct experience. The annual exchange of information via the Letterbox system can be more meaningful if the sets of respondents have met each other and have had opportunity to explore together what they would most like to know from each other.
ii.	Timing A meeting may take place any time from the Introductions period to the making of the Adoption Order or, occasionally, after the making of the Order.  A meeting which takes place at a very early stage of introductions or placement may be at the request of a voluntarily relinquishing parent who wishes to gain reassurance from knowing with whom the child is being placed.  Or it may be a matter of practicality for adoptive parents who live at a considerable distance and are unlikely to return to the area. However, experience suggests that a meeting can be most productive when the child has been in placement for some time.  This means the adoptive parents can talk about the child in a knowledgeable way and will have had time to reflect on what information they most need.  This timing also has the advantage of allowing the adopters space to work through the initial emotional and psychological adjustment in becoming adoptive parents and therefore to have more energy to focus on the meeting.
iii.	Planning: Support:  Both birth parents and adoptive parents will need someone to assist in their preparation and in attending the meeting.  For the adopters, their worker will be in the best position to do this.  For the birth parents, they may have the choice of their child's social worker, as this person will know their child and may have helped the adults through the whole process.  However, if the birth parents have established a relationship with a member of After Adoption Yorkshire who is offering them independent support, this may be the most appropriate person to prepare and support them at a meeting.  This may be even more applicable if there is strong negative feeling against their child's social worker.  Whoever is to be the support, the timing of the meeting should allow for the opportunity for a relationship to be established with the birth parents. Venue:  Adoptive parents may not be familiar with Children's Social Care offices or Family Centres and they may have unpleasant memories for birth parents of difficult Case Conferences and painful interviews.  Ideally, a meeting should take place in a comfortable, neutral venue where the people involved can feel at ease.  Comfortable seating, carpets, refreshments, absence of telephones and no intrusions set the scene for the people coming to feel they are respected and this meeting is different from other formal meetings which may have taken place in planning for the child. Preparation:  Adoptive and birth parents need opportunity to voice their hopes, fears and fantasies about the meeting, and to prepare adequately for the event. It is helpful for both the workers involved to meet with both parties to help them think about the meeting, what they hope to achieve from it and so that the adopters' worker is not a complete stranger to the birth parents.  It is of great importance to help the adopters in thinking about range of emotions they may experience before, during and after the meeting.  No matter what their anxieties, it is likely they will feel positive about meeting one or both birth parents because they can see the advantages for the child, in being able to talk about having met their birth parent, and for the birth parent who will have been able to receive some reassurance about the people who will be parenting their child.  Occasionally however, adoptive parents may experience an unexpected ambivalence about the meeting because a deepening sense of empathy for the birth parents may lead to feeling of guilt that they and not the birth parent are bringing up this child. See below for suggested topics and questions.  In situations where birth parents do not live together, there may need to be 2 meetings.  Thought is needed about basic safeguards:
		The adoptive parents may feel that they may be able to be traced, for example, from their car being recognised in the future.  This can be prevented by their worker taking them to the meeting. Care should be taken to prevent adopters' names being read from a 'signing in' book.  Their worker can arrange with the Reception beforehand to sign them in as his/her guests without writing in their names. Violence may be a major fear for adopters.  A serious risk of violence would suggest a meeting should not take place, but video recordings could take place instead to 'introduce' parties to each other. There may be worries that a birth parent might arrive affected by  drink or drugs.  If preparatory work is done effectively with birth parents, dealing with anxiety via alcohol will not be as likely.
iv.	Preparation topics: Birth parents: What is it alright to ask about? What is it definitely not alright to ask about? Can someone accompany me, such as mum or a friend? What/who is the meeting for? Can I give the adopters a gift for my child? What information would we like to give/receive in the Letterbox exchange? Adopters: How much do we say about ourselves? What names do we give - if any? Do we take some photos of the child for the birth parents? Do we take some gift from the child for the birth parents (e.g. a drawing)? What is the right time for the meeting? Do we need to establish ourselves with the child first, or do we need to meet the parents first to clear the way to build a relationship with the child? Can we approach the meeting with a positive outlook? Should we have a photo taken with the birth parents? Would we like a short time alone with the birth parents - without the social workers present? What information would we like to give/receive in the Letterbox exchange? Would we be happy to send annual photos? If we have adapted/changed the child's name in any way, will we explain this?
v.	Questions and topics for the meeting: Birth Parents: What do adopters think of the child? When will they tell the child s/he is adopted? What will they tell the child about why s/he is adopted? What are the adopters' views about parenting, e.g. strictness, religion? Would the adopters support the adoptee in tracing? Content of the Letterbox exchange Adopters: What is the significance of chosen names? Information about the early care of the child? Any observed traits or personality? Other relevant information about relatives/background Information about birth parents own interests/likes, dislikes What would birth parents like adoptive parents to share with the child about them? Content of Letterbox exchange What the child is like now
vi.	The meeting:  The two workers will have established how and when the birth parents and adoptive parents will arrive, considering who will be in situ first.  A preliminary meeting in a waiting area where awkward silences and tension may be increased should be avoided. Some pre-planning of seating arrangements will help workers to establish the right opportunities for eye-contact, as well as providing space where it is needed. The atmosphere is helped if there are drinks immediately available and, after introductions, having something to look at, such as photos of the child, can 'break the ice'.  It is helpful at the beginning of the meeting to establish what the boundaries are in terms of time and what is confidential.  It is essential for workers to have negotiated their roles and who will deal with different contingencies.
vii.	Debriefing: Workers need to build in time with birth parents and adopters to evaluate an important meeting.  The following comments have come from such discussions: Adopters: 'I came for the sake of our little girl.  I came away feeling a great sympathy for the birth mother, and some feelings for the birth father.  I feel in a much stronger position to talk to our daughter as she grows up about her birth parents.' 'When the birth mum cried I did as well and gave her a hug.  I felt very close to her.' 'When the birth mum said she liked us, it felt like a seal of approval; that freed us up to bring up her son in our family.' Birth parents: 'I really liked them. They aren't what I expected.  I feel so much better now.' 'She was nervous wasn't she?' 'I liked the way he gave me straight answers and understood how upset I was feeling.'

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